I Have A Dream! At Least, I Think I Should.

Last night I could not sleep. This has become a rare phenomenon since the end of grad school. I thought about just getting up and blogging, but my stubborn self kept my butt in bed until I finally drifted off to sleep about two hours later. I have always been happy and content with my life (especially over the past year, hello! awesome husband alert!), but I could not help but notice that I am missing one crucial part of what I feel makes me ME!

Meaning.

Even as I am typing this I feel stupid. I have so much to be thankful for and so many blessings around me. Why am I so caught up in feeling like I have no meaning right now? I know myself well enough to know what I thrive on: relationships and making a difference. I have plenty of relationships, both here and back home, I just do not feel like I am doing anything worthwhile down here. My dad had told me, "Julia, not everyone gets the opportunity to have a job that is full of meaning. Sometimes people have to work solely to provide for their families." This would be a valid argument if I had a family to support (sorry, Dad. I know you are reading :)) And while I pray to God that my time will come, I cannot help feeling the way I do. I am missing the validation of knowing that I am helping someone, that I am making a difference, and that what I do matters. It makes me want to cry just typing these words out. I honestly had no idea how much I would be affected by no longer being in my element of constantly helping someone or working toward something. I want so badly to know where my education and experience will take me and honestly, I think I am just getting a little antsy. 

I always try to see things in a positive light. I try not to be a Debbie Downer. However, I believe writing this blog is exactly what I needed today. I needed to get my thoughts and feelings out even if they are somewhat depressing. All I can do is keep praying that something good will come along and that I will have the opportunity to be a shining light. 

P.S. I can see how many people view these blogs, but I hardly get any comments at all! Comment away, people! Ya creepers ;)

Keeping Independence While Being A Dependent?

Being a novice military wife, I feel like there is a lot I have yet to learn. I feel that sometimes there is this "military wife mold" that I am expected to fit into, and quite frankly, I am not feeling it. The expectations of military wives are weird to me and the stereotypes honestly render me speechless sometimes. I have lost count of how many times I have been asked why I am working and why am I not just spending my time relaxing. Because, ya know, we are not going to be here for very long. And to that I say, "Because I like being independent!"

Of course this point I try to make seems to be coming more and more moot. Independence? As a military spouse? No way! For cryin' out loud my husband is my SPONSOR! I cannot think of a more demeaning word. Every time I walk into the Navy Health Clinic or need to make a call anywhere on base I can almost here the Sara McLachlan song in the back of my head. It makes me feel like I am a charity case and THANK GOODNESS my military husband is willing to sponsor me. I have started to rattle of his social security number instead of mine on the rare occasion someone cares to know mine, career is put on hold (sometimes I feel like it is a distant dream), and just trying to find where I fit in. Sometimes it seems that military life is quicksand and I am slowly sinking. Until I am no longer me, I am part of it.

Don't get me wrong. There are many pluses that come along with this kind of lifestyle. I never thought I would have the opportunity to live in all the different places I do, I am meeting a ton of awesome people, and heck! my husband has a REALLY COOL job! I love being able to support Justin and watch him achieve his dream. I just hate that I feel like I am losing my independence, which I have always been so proud of.

So, my question to my readers. Military spouse or not. How do you keep your sense of independence when starting your career is not an option? Anybody else feel the same way I do?

Paddling Along

It has come to my attention (via myself) that I have only updated this blog ONCE since moving down to Corpus. I really wish I had more to write about, but honestly, I find myself feeling more boring than exciting. My dad and I have come to calling this phenomenon, "Just paddling along." He is more than content with just paddling along, where as I get antsy (it must be a 20-something thing). So, I started thinking back and I realize I have done some things worth noting...

Toured the aircraft carrier, the USS Lexington

Learned to paddleboard

Went to my first airshow in Kingsville

Found out India LOVES chasing jackrabbits

On top of that I have also thrown myself into cooking different things, crafting, and working out (I am IN LOVE with Zumba on Kinect!) I currently work for a property management company and it keeps me busy during the day which is good! I go on weekly walks with my friend from grad school, Shannon, and I have enjoyed getting to meet a lot of great people in Justin's flight! I feel like I am starting to settle down, but of course we have an impending move in about 2 months. Off to Jacksonville we will go for Justin's FINAL stage of training. Then it's off to the real stuff? Whatever lies ahead I am READY!

Of course, being in such a beautiful and new place does not come without the hardships. I hate feeling so disconnected from my friends and family back in Oklahoma. I have to miss out on graduations, special holidays, etc. Like anyone else, I definitely have my fair share of ups and downs. There are good things and bad things about any situation and sometimes I feel like I am disappearing into Justin's life and I don't want to lose sight of who I am as a person. I know how important it is for me to have things that are just MINE. When the bad days do come around, I have to remind myself that God has a great plan for ME and my time will come.

All in all I am really enjoying my time here in south Texas. Justin is not nearly as stressed out as he was during primary in Enid and I love getting to see him live his dream and reach his goals! He works so hard and is so dedicated, he deserves everything he gets! I can't wait to pin those wings on him on July 13!

I guess that about wraps it up for now! I'll try to post more often, but rest assured, Justin, myself, India, and Sir Swimsalot are doing great. As the surfers say...The stoke is high!! :)

Just the Two of Us!

Hello from south Texas! Justin and I have been here in Corpus Christi for almost 4 weeks now and I am SO late on the first post from our new home! Corpus is definitely a change from what we are used to. First of all, there are people EVERYWHERE. ALL THE TIME! It just baffles me how many people are around. On a more positive note, it is a beautiful place. The view just from looking out the back porch is amazing. It's sometimes hard to believe that this is where we live now. I think out of all of us, the one who has had the easiest time adjusting is the turtle. India has been strangely clingy and Justin and I are still trying to figure this whole place out. It has been quite the adventure so far!

I remember when Justin and I were engaged, we were trying to decide where he would choose to go for training. He thought Enid would be the best choice for us, while I BEGGED to go to Corpus Christi. Mostly because I did not want my first taste of navy wife life to be sugar coated by having friends and family so close. As you all know, you know who won out on that one. So, as my non-sugar coated navy wife life begins, I often find myself singing the lyrics to that Will Smith song..."Just the two of us, we can make it if we try, just the two of us...you and I!!" (And yes, it is a Grammy-winning performance I give ;)  ) For the first time, Justin and I are really on our own. I can feel our relationship changing as we have to rely on each other more than ever. I can feel ourselves getting closer and our marriage getting stronger. So, despite the fact of being homesick every once in awhile, I love knowing how much closer I am to my husband.

Every time I had the time to go take pictures, it always seemed the weather was not cooperating. Yesterday, however, was a great day. So, I took India dog on a nice walk down to the beach and the pier and took some pictures! We had a great time although, India is not a beach dog. I think her Oklahoma roots grow deeper than I thought.

India and I walked half a mile down to the Officer's Pier. Here are some of the local pelicans :)

 

The small beach. There were actually waves today! So pretty!

India and I copped a squat to enjoy the view! I love hearing the sound of the waves.

She was NOT in a picture taking mood. But I was going to get one by golly!

Beautiful picture of the NAS Corpus Christi palm trees. This is my view on my runs! Love it!

As you can see, it's a great place! I feel more and more settled each day. Now..who's ready to visit?!

Happy Endings

Oh how times are changing. In a matter of days, Justin and I were thrown into the rush of moving. Scheduling the movers to come, figuring out what we are going to do with the 6 days we have nothing in our house, but can't move yet, I'm updating my resume' and making meetings to hopefully get myself a job down in Corpus. All this mess is stressful, sad, exciting, etc. Friday marked one of first set of goodbyes. It was my last day as a counselor at the Youth Center.

I've said this before and I'll say it again. Never have I worked at a place where I like my boss, my coworkers, and the kids all at the SAME TIME! God really blessed me by giving me this job. It's actually hard to express in words how grateful and humbled I feel about this job.

First of all, the overall atmosphere of the Youth Center is an awesome one. I loved having the freedom to work with kids on a one-on-one basis, in groups, and also have a lot of fun along the way!

This picture was taken on Worldwide Day of Play. We had a bunch of games for the kids and the more games they played, the more tickets they got. With their tickets, they could buy prizes or...shove a pie in a counselors face. It was a lot of fun and we were all great sports.

This was for Pink Out Day in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Week. The counselors all joined in on the fun, and we had a great day eating pink food, painting our nails pink, and even spraying our hair pink with the kids!

When I think of this job, the saying "it's quality not quantity" comes to mind. When I started this job, I knew I wouldn't be there more than 6 months and could therefore not get very attached. Boy was I wrong. Having to leave this wonderful group of kids was just as hard on Friday as it was for me leaving my group of kiddos at Cross Timbers in Owasso (hi guys!). I tried to prepare myself for an emotional day and I was blown away by the kindness that was showed to me. First...

My sneaky coworkers had a surprise party for me! I've never had a surprise party before so I was so excited. Also, we at the Youth Center are pretty big on cookie cakes. So my surprise party was full of fruits, veggies, Diet Dr. Pepper (of course) and this delicious cookie cake! It was a great start to the afternoon and I managed to get through it without crying.

On a side note, my dad passed on this little story to me and he had it framed. It's a great reminder to me of how important the little things can be and never get discouraged about helping people, even if it's just a few...

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.

Approaching the boy, he asked, "What are you doing?"

... The youth replied, "Throwing starfish back into the ocean.
The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them back, they'll die."

"Son," the man said, "don't you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish?
You can't make a difference!"

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said, "I made a difference for that one."

by: Loren Eisley

Now, I think I mentioned this story to my boss once. I talked about how I have my little "starfish" here at the Youth Center and even though I know I can't help them all, maybe I can make a difference for a few. Well, we were all called into the gym because everyone had something to give me...

Everyone at the Youth Center (coworkers and kids) had made their own little starfish and put made this pretty beach background. They made it to show and remind me that I have made a difference in ALL of their lives. Let's just say, my eyes were not dry when I saw this. I was unbelievably touched and I don't think they know how much this means to me. I will definitely keep in forever.


Not only did I make a difference in their lives, but they made a difference in my life as well. For 5 months I was surrounded by military kids and wives. Hearing the kids stories and seeing their positive attitude made my job such a humbling experience. The way I see it, if they can do it, then certainly I can do it!


I've worked with kids for over 8 years now and it's never easy saying goodbye. However, even as I was driving home that night, belongings cluttering my car, tears rolling down my face, I have a sense of peace because I know that I am still doing what I'm meant to do and my heart is in the right place.


So, thank you to everyone at the Youth Center for giving me an experience I will never forget! My next job will definitely have a hard time topping this one!


P.S. Megan...you're THE BEST ;)

Track Select!

Although Justin's track select was 2 weeks ago (see previous blog post), all of the Air Force dudes of class 12-12 had their track select yesterday. Although the Air Force guys don't move anywhere different after track select, it's still a big deal. Therefore, they make a whole day out of it! And it was a blast! First, the class had a breakfast for them, IPs, family, and spouses. Next, we got to go on tours of the flight line AND THEN I got to fly one of the simulators!

T-6 up close and personal! I thought this was so cool because they don't allow unauthorized people on the flight line. This is what Justin has been flying the last 5 months.

Then we got to go on the catwalk on the base tower. It was quite a climb! Just an incredible view though! T-6 nation! Planes constantly taking off and landing. Pretty neat!!

This is the closest I'll ever get to flying in a T-6 ;)

My favorite part! I got to fly a legit pilot training flight simulator! And I did a pretty good job too! 

What a fun day it was! Not everyone gets the opportunity to do and see the things I did. But, I guess it's just another....day in the life of a navy wife :)

New Year...New Location

I know that I hoped for a calmer year than the previous. However, I also knew that a move was upon us. Military life is always there to keep you guessing. A remember a few months ago when Justin and I were on our Friday night dinner date, he said that he was almost 100% positive of where our move would take us. I immediately told him to keep his mouth shut and to not tell anybody where he thought we were going because if I knew the navy, we would end up going somewhere completely different...

In December, Justin became T-6 complete. Hallelujah!! I thought we would know within days where our next destination would be. Alas, the navy decided that there would be no more track selects for the 2011 year. We would have to wait until the beginning of January...

In the meantime, we enjoyed time with family and friends, I kept up my work at the Youth Center, and Justin enjoyed a few weeks of well-deserved off time. We watched movies, played on our XBox and Kinect, and I figured out how to work my Nook. As relaxing as it was, I still yearned to know where we would be next...

Finally! 2012 was upon us! We rung in the new year in style...

Now there was only a couple more days to wait. Oh, the anticipation is killing me! Is it killing you as your reading this post?

Now, the day is upon us. I've had butterflies in my stomach all morning. Hoping and praying that Justin got what he wanted. You just never know. Then, at 11:12 AM, I got the call....

"Baby. We're headed to Corpus Christi. I selected P-3."

Oh, joy! My eyes got all misty. I'm just so excited and happy that Justin got what he wanted and believe it or not, we are headed EXACTLY where he thought. Justin starts training quick, so we will be headed out of Enid in a few weeks. Lots to do, but I'm excited for the adventure that lies ahead! Although a bittersweet time, I hate change. I'm not looking forward to saying goodbye to the kids and my coworkers at the Youth Center, I cringe at the thought of not having friends or family within a 1 or 2 hour drive. However, I'm excited to see what lies ahead for me and for Justin in Corpus Christi. I get to live by a beach for the first time ever AND my Nana and Doman are currently in South Padre Island, which is just a few hours away from Corpus. So, I'M READY!!

I want to thank everyone who has supported us so far. You all are the best! Now, I want to know how many of you skipped to the end to find out where we were going ;)