I Have A Dream! At Least, I Think I Should.

Last night I could not sleep. This has become a rare phenomenon since the end of grad school. I thought about just getting up and blogging, but my stubborn self kept my butt in bed until I finally drifted off to sleep about two hours later. I have always been happy and content with my life (especially over the past year, hello! awesome husband alert!), but I could not help but notice that I am missing one crucial part of what I feel makes me ME!

Meaning.

Even as I am typing this I feel stupid. I have so much to be thankful for and so many blessings around me. Why am I so caught up in feeling like I have no meaning right now? I know myself well enough to know what I thrive on: relationships and making a difference. I have plenty of relationships, both here and back home, I just do not feel like I am doing anything worthwhile down here. My dad had told me, "Julia, not everyone gets the opportunity to have a job that is full of meaning. Sometimes people have to work solely to provide for their families." This would be a valid argument if I had a family to support (sorry, Dad. I know you are reading :)) And while I pray to God that my time will come, I cannot help feeling the way I do. I am missing the validation of knowing that I am helping someone, that I am making a difference, and that what I do matters. It makes me want to cry just typing these words out. I honestly had no idea how much I would be affected by no longer being in my element of constantly helping someone or working toward something. I want so badly to know where my education and experience will take me and honestly, I think I am just getting a little antsy. 

I always try to see things in a positive light. I try not to be a Debbie Downer. However, I believe writing this blog is exactly what I needed today. I needed to get my thoughts and feelings out even if they are somewhat depressing. All I can do is keep praying that something good will come along and that I will have the opportunity to be a shining light. 

P.S. I can see how many people view these blogs, but I hardly get any comments at all! Comment away, people! Ya creepers ;)